what lies beneath

So we open up a letter from the city, asking for us to notify them when we have fixed the plumbing issue from our outtake to the alley. A year ago, they reminded us, they noticed that black smoke was billowing out of the broken end cap, and told us it was our responsibility to fix it.

Um. Yeah. Considering we didn't move in until Oct 31, and there was nothing disclosed in the sale transaction, thanks for the letter A YEAR LATER.

We did fix the broken end cap (barely visible next to the black mat in the picture, my fantasy flagstone project that still has not been started), thinking that the crappy POs just knocked it off with a lawn mower and didn't bother to replace it. But billowing black smoke from the sewer? Say it ain't so.

glass of water, anyone?

Some people suffer a house that has been completely unrenovated, abused by generations of pet owners, smokers, free-livers, and goddamn communists. OK, wait, I got carried away there. I actually like some goddamn communists and many free-livers. But I do not like a half-ass job. That's what we have here at Raccoon Tree Acres. The previous owners tried to renovate, and did a sloppy, cheap job, with materials that weren't meant to last more than 10 years and would require the same teardown and full replacement when they broke down. Because of this, we missed the chance to have insulated pipes and walls, for example. The penny wise pound foolish method of renovation.

The worst example of this we have found so far is the bathroom plumbing, all done by hand by someone who should have never lifted a pipe wrench. The plumber (after replacing the toilet held together by a brick) replaced the yucky old faucet on the master bath. While under the sink, he let us know that the rust stain that kept appearing on the sink drain was not because of a tiny well that only went to the bathroom. No, it was because someone had piped the sink with gas piping instead of water piping. All for a savings of a couple of bucks. The pipes are thus unprotected, and are rusting on the inside.

I guess I can stop taking an iron formula multivitamin now.

plumbing the depths of crappy repairs

The plumber fixed a few lovely things over the course of a very long day. We are continually astounded by the previous owners' cheapness. Things he's never seen before include the hard-wired plumbing for the crap-ass dishwasher (so it can't be pulled out), gas piping used instead of galvanized water pipe for the bathroom sink (so it has no protection against rusting inside the pipe) and a brick being used inside the toilet NOT as a water displacer but as a frickin' fix for the lever.



He took the brick out, shaking his head, and fixed the rotting parts inside. Then the toilet wouldn't work, so he realized that the brick was actually holding the ball up because the lever was broken. The options at that point were to have him fix the damn thing properly for $75 or to just buy a new toilet at $110 or so. Even though I adore the ancient (and not cute-ancient), mildew-laden, unmatching, 5-gallon flush unit, we opted for a new one.

Other treats include the sink in the small bathroom being held up only by its plumbing, the garbage disposal being about to fall off, and our kitchen sink having absolutely no support in the front, so if we lean on it it could also fall through the cheap-ass counter.

We purchased an American Standard Cadet 3 at Home Depot at the plumber's recommendation, and an elongated seat because every king deserves a throne. The thing flushes like a dream, doesn't waste water, and the back isn't furry with mildew. These are all qualities I find pleasant in a toilet. Plus, we received a $25 energy bill rebate for replacing the 5-gallon monstrosity and a free robe hook from American Standard (a rather odd promotion but who's counting?). So, if you're in the market for a new economy toilet, we say two thumbs up.